where is "I"

there is nothing....

actually and really nothing..

in my hands..

and when say my hands even their grasping power is beyond me

i am what i am made to be..

i am not my body

i am not my "heart" or 'Mind'

i know what i am not

but do not know what i am.

i am happy though that i am what i am but still unaware what i am

What ever happens, is there any role for me..

or even if i am doing it am I actually

or being just made to

how come i am here.

and the other person there

why its so..

why i am doing what i am doing

to what extent i am able to..

even if i am typing all this am i conscious of what my fingers doing or they just automatically running if yes..

then what is playing behind..

what is controlled and and to what extent..

the more i try to be powerful

the more i realize how tiny i am

nothing... actually

what would have happened had i not been what i am ...

and further is it in my control to be, not to be, what i am.

its is so helpless feeling but soothing too

that you are being assisted all the time.

its not that i am in MY CREATORS control.

but it is that i am important enough to be helped and not left alone to do whatever.

PEACE!!

These days small things stress me so much and i am not even able to share it with others .... though i was never good at this job... but to be honest i am unable to have a sound sleep for last one week i am just pushing myself and dragging myslf... hoe it goes no further... it cant... i never thought life would bring so many issues for me.. i am looking forward for a simple easy and hassel free life... do no need much money or luxury... just need peace and lots of mental stimulation .... where is that please???

may be i need to look for good part of life as well...