my search....

that day, when i had many things in mind,when every thing seemed to be top on the list,when it looked that life would be useless if i don't do this,and the THIS was this this this & this,I was in dilemma and confusion,both took me over and left me alone,I knew there must be a way out,but wasn't sure what to do and how,then there came someone not so close,who discussed things which seemed trivial and drivel,she spoke and I heard, without registering them,as I was busy in my own thoughts,she left and I was alone as before,for me she never was close,
I realized that my list was so long becoz…
From all I expected love, understanding and attention,
I let go one chance, with her, as she was gone

being submissive!

Decided to go and meet Pawan Ji, was in Mussoorie for four days.. it was a good trip to sum up except that I was spending more of my valuable time and getting less valuable things.. I totally agree with what he says about submissive and dominant people... In any relationship there can never be a vacuum... if there is, there would not be any relationship.. If I am unable to put my views (reasons may be that I am not clear what I think, I do not know what I think, or I feel that my thoughts are not that important as of the other person), the other person will. And then we start calling that person dominating... And then to hide our lack of clarity say that the other one dominates! Only those who are submissive complaint… the one who is clear what he/she wants in life does that!

book fare!!!!

yahoooooo........... i am going to book fare today.. looking forward to lots of new books and nice smell that comes out from them... will post again about what i get from there!!

pleasure of being common

i do strive and strive but it is really tough to be just belive inside and be common but after all it is the truth that we all are commmon .... we consider us special each of us to be special .... in fact none of us is.. we want to be cared... we want to be loved.... we want to be warmly and specially welcomed.... we want to complimented.... we want to treated differently..... why it is hard to understand that we are part of crowd... just a part of the crowd not more then that.... we are what we are... not what other do to us... for others we are just a part of the crowd.... i feel the immense pleaseure in letting others know that they are the one who is special that they are not common like me that they are to be loved cared and welcomed and complimented upon.. becuse they are special for me ... they really are...i like loving others and letting them know that i love them ... may be some day some those who are as common as me would be able to share and understand the pleasure i am having.... realizing the truth that i am a common girl.

and I also remember reading... GOD loves common ppl that's why he made so many of them!!!

feeling lazy...

today i am feeling so lazy that even do not want to write anyhting....was at home the entire day... you know how it works when you are alone... all thoughts you have been trying to escape stand in front of you.. thankfully i am lucky.. i was able to takle one after other.. gave suficient time to each confusion of mind.. mind and heart.. why both are against each other! may be thats the way we stay balanced!
I thought about important things like relationships... people attitude... world around...and about men also.... and also about petty things like my dry hair!
its so rejuvenating and lot of feeling of content once you know that things are going the way they ought to... and just be sure that you are putting your best and that's all you can do and make sure that you do not end up dong any thing less that what you can!!
I am serious.. i am seriously and deeply happy!

being back in collage

its a great feeling........ i am really looking forward for the year to come.. i would attending calsses again.. would be have time getting influenced... more of listening... more of learning... it make me feel that i am still young.. though its not that I otherwise don't feel it this way... but such things just reinorces my thoughts...
it's a very small thing.. but actually these are the joys of life... isn't it!
i wish my self a good luck for the course! Diploma in child rights.

That day we had a interesting walk..starting from the basant priya cenema hall…. I was really looking forward to be inside the centrel ridge… so many people turned up……unbelieveable.!
While entering the gate I felt as if going to nature the more we got into the ridge I felt that we were actually intruding into the nature…. We as human being ………… why are we doing it… if the government is doing it from where it is getting the authority !… more important is why they are doing it WHY?? Certainly it is the short term benefits the are getting from it… The army gets the space to do exercise and makes a permanent and pakka structure... who were the people involved... how ..on what basis supreme court alows.. PUBLIC BENEFIT!..

The metro is for us... the parks would be for us... the HCBS would be for us...becoz we can ask for our facilities.... we can DEMAND... nature silently bears with us... we all would be.. in fact are... paying the returns... facing this chill... I think of the rikshaw puller.. the child on the street, constantly cleaning his nose with his sleeves... I can shut every thing..! its not my responsbility!... but the truth is that we all are guilty.... even me! I can do what i can... ! to have my share of peace!

ajnabi raste....

on november 23 nov 2002
yeh ajnabi raste; jaane le jayenge kahan... manzilen hain jahan ... ya jahan se chalta hai karwaan... khud hi chal pade the .. khud hi nahi jante... in raston ko jo hume hain pehchante itni besabri hai pahunchne ki .. jab ki kuch nahi andaaza.. apne raste ke rukh ka kya karen isliys.. kuch bhi kar lete hainnn

lamhe

wrote this almost two year back when ammi was leaving delhi a fter a short visit to us.!! it was a painful departure generally its not!!

Kuch aur din
Aur kuch aur raten…
Kya hai is lamhe me
Jab ehsas nahi salon ka
To kya hai in lamho me
Phir bhi
Phir Guzar kyon nahi jate
kuch lamhe sirf kuch hi lamho mai
baras to guzarte hai
par yeh lamhe kyon rehate hain saath
hamesha saath
jaise ki har lmahe pe
haawi hon who kuch lamhe
guzar kyon nahi jate
kuch lam,he sirf kuch lamho mai
wohi ehsaas liye sath chalet hai
chupchap pichey wali sawri se
who lamhe kisi bhi lamhe
chilla sakte hai apne wajood ka ehsaas dilano ko
par mere satth to saath hi rahte hai
tajjub se mujhe dekte
jab me badalti hoon zara bhi
phir guzar kyon nahi jate
kuch lamhe sirf kuch hi lamho mai.