Happily Happy!!

its a good bond between me and Taha! we share a lot without using many words.. this entire week has shown me few ups and downs.. the family at lucknow... my brother who i silent... this shahana case and I getting into it emotionally... other confusion and clarification... booking of tickets... my conversation with Aapa and she leaving in a bad mood... my conversation with my ammi... two lawyers unnecessarily standing opposite to each other... and i a link and feeling guilty for the mess, understanding the reasons for the mess... but Taha knows and helps me remind that "its just all about momentary trouble and it would fizzle out soon" and I happy. i am happy things are over with a good note... case well .. i am leaving for Lucknow soon... tkt booked all confirmed... fakhra and I had a chat on phone.. i could sleep well... this stomach Ache is not that disturbing... and i am happily back to work and to my smiles and to laughter and that's my normal life...
yes to make your life "LIVE- HAPPILY- EVER-AFTER" going through such weeks once in a while is nothing...
life has many more things to offer and i tend to take few things too seriously and i really don no what makes me do so...
looking forward for family's first engagement... aaaahh!!

filters...

Last week I had gone for a small chit chat with abha didi... but when we sit togather it always takes hours to finish... (and that's why i call her my 50 telly ammi..) and same happen that day... the adrak ki chai... with miyaoun (old cat) sitting under our chair.. sun all over us except on ou faces... different alw books spread over....that was a very pleasent day... we discussed thousand of things and discussed what ever we felt... i am shukrguzaar to have her in my life..

among thousand of things one of her statement i found very useful for my life and to make my relationships work happily ... she said that when ever we want to say something we should filter and filteration involves these questions

-- What i am going to say is it the truth..

-- Is it necessary to be told..

-- and am I sure that its not going to hurt the other person..

I know all the filters were YES but still I could not say it... and I look-forward for another chance.. for its not matter of just sharing but my life depends.

Ya Allah... I donno how many people read my blog and how many of them know me... but I don't care. As I know that I am equally important bandi of your and I know that you would take care of .. and you would bring the opportunity soon again.. i just missed.

Allahpaak I know you have the plan for my life... and that's all I need to know!

kuchh na kisii se bolenge

I read this on net.. nice ghazal.. when looking for life and happiness u have to bear all this as well -

Kuchh na kisii se bolenge
Tanhaai main ro lenge
Ham berahabaron kaa kyaa
Saath kisii ke ho lenge
Khud to hue rusavaa lekin
Tere bhed na kholenge
Jiivan zahar bharaa saagar
Kab tak amrit gholenge
Niind to kyaa aayegii 'Faraz'
Maut aaii to so lenge

(behrabaroon = pathless travellers)
---Ahmad Faraz

Always smile!!

Yesterday Ajay Mahajan without any kind reference asked me if I am always able to be happy and to be smiling as he has seen me. I remember he asked me this same question last year when we were on a trecking trip to chopta. For sure the question has validity as few others have also asked the same. I smile to keep an emotional and mental balance. But it was not reason y i am happy but it was more of how i am abale to. Actually I do not know. May be it comes naturally to me. Though I remeber few times forcing myself to be happy when I was in really bad or I knew that my bad or tensed mood would worsen the situation which is already worst.
Any way I do not know if it has anything to do with what I saw on that party last week. All forcing a curve on thier faces. With horribly painted face and jwellery loaded all over, and making sure that it is visible when cameras are around. People were talking to each other without listening to them. I felt as if everyting is fake. Happiness can only be natural. We have it or not, we can not, not have and still show.! What is the problem in sharing if we r not happy, is it desire of being aceptable or it is the desire to be happy (attitude of "IF-I-AM-NOT-HAPPY-AT-LEAST-I-CAN-SHOW), what would happen if I share my problem if I cry in front of someone I know not much. What would happen if I keep my problems open. May be the feeling that the person him/her self is so sure deep in heart that its they who are responsible that's y they do not share it.... its absolutely fine to have problems but retaining them irritates me!!

I feel all this when I have others in my mind but at the same time I have few issues with myself that I keep it to it but in my case I know that I myself is responsible, and that soon they would be solved. So no point disturbing my sisters and parents and friends!! Few say that its ghariyat... I do not think so! And I love you all and I dont want to see you tensed listening to me!!

confused!

quite silent.. but still so much expressed.. confident but confused also... too sentimental still so serious looking... though successful but unhappy.... so strong but vulnerable also.. degrees matter but we all are the same!..

Is this Masculinity?

Men carry the heavy weights. Men are the ones who earn the family bread. Men make the decisions. Men handle the money. Men don't cry. All that represents power and control belong to the man while the woman is the "woman behind the man". Masculinity comes from being proud of being a man. A man in different situations gives a man in that situation a particular attribute. A man who is around when things are being lifted is supposed to lift things and leave the women around to relax. A man is supposed to be street smart. A man always rides geared bikes. A man is physically, emotionally and mentally strong. He shows no weaknesses. If the father is dead, the eldest brother takes over because he has been passed down the role of the man/head of the house.

Men have always been associated with being "macho". To be in control is a mans comfortable position. He's got to show the world that he's the man-that he has got it all under control. Is masculinity all about being macho? Masculinity comes from self-pride (so does feminity).

Being proud of yourself is no sin but when it is driven into one's head that a man is that and this one would naturally want to be so because that is what one has ben told. Men may have the physical marking of being strong but we forget that he has a heart and soul just like the us the other sex (would not say opposit because we are not opposit we are so much alike but just diferent!!).

He too gets hurt. He too gets his sentiments offended. He wants to cry when some his love dies, or sometimes without any reasons at all. He needs a helping hand. Masculinity has been taken to extremes. Sometimes a woman comes along to take that place that he has always been taken by a man and he should just let it be because its allright.

He doesn't have to prove to himself that he is a man of the proportions that he is. He knows how much of a man he is and how much of a man he wants to be. Everybody else may not know but he (each and every individual) does know. What is important is that he uses his masculinity to his advantage and his efficiency. Basically, everybody should just chill out and be as masculine or feminine as they like. The world would be more peaceful and i would love it...!!!

Gone With the Wind!

oh that was the FATEST book i have read.. and that too print was too small to read.. but finally i finished it yesterday.. it was quite a good book... its good the way war thing is discussed... the way a women's psycholgy is there.. the desire of people to get money... how ppl get away from their own policies in an attempt to get them... the true love and the relationship developed due to some compromise or settlement... the self respect having and not havng... pririties in life.... but somhow didn't like Scarlette's charachter.. but loved Rutt Butler's that part of personality where he is honest to the core.